A big bowl of cold PAIN!!!

A lot has happened since my last post. The laughably named "Liberal Democratic Party" has lost power for the first time since the Ordovician period, Patrick Swayze died, and my soul got just a little bit blacker and more evil as a result of one or both of these. Most importantly, my regular comment correspondent Bob has informed me that cafeterias across Japan have started selling bowls of icy cold PAIN for a mere 80 yen each. This is good news as it takes regular doses of pain to remind my tiny shriveled bitter heart to keep beating. Fortunately a bowl of pain is only 43 calories, so I can eat the stuff all day and still keep my girlish figure.

OK, seriously, what is the story? Well, in Japan the word for "pineapple" is more or less "pineapple". This is usually abbreviated to "pine" though, and phonetically spelled パイン. Reverse engineering these characters back into English using standard romanization spelling yields "pain". Pineapple=Pain. I leave the details to your imagination.

(Photo credit: Bob, a.k.a. Dr. K, a.k.a. The Pilao!!!)

The importance of one word

Sometimes I hate doing proofreading work.



On the other hand, sometimes it's an absolute joy.

A haiku

A construction site
Vibrant signage... I feel wood
But not in my pants.

DigiBummed out

I always knew that one day our posteriors would be replaced by implanted waste-recyclers, forever eliminating the need to poop. Thank God! That day has arrived far earlier than I imagained! The Kairen DigiBum is a fully functional ass in the palm of your hand. It's dual-sphincter technology lets you...oh... wait. The fine print explains that "Digital Image" + "Album" = DigiBum. It seems that this is just yet another digital photo frame, and not the cybernetic bottom I was praying for.

When gummy bears crave vengeance, they turn to gummy ninjas

When I am not obsessing over ninjas and zombies, I am usually eating handfuls of gummy bears as the intensive chewing they require helps rid my body of all the nervous energy and loosened teeth that a meth addiction brings. Now, Japanese sweets maker Uha-Mikakuto has created a gummy snack worthy of your warrior soul: the Ninja Meal (忍者めし) gummy. Their marketing slogan is: "Satisfies the munchies of the modern Ninja".

These are harder than your average (gummy) bear, and are promoted as a way to reduce snacking by quite literally giving you something to chew on. They come in two flavors: Miyazaki (prefecture) Mango and Ume Katsuo. The former is a pretty average mango-flavored gummy with a sort of M&Ms-like crust surrounding it. The Ume Katsuo is another beast altogether, being plum and fish --yes, I said fish-- flavored. Once again, Japan never fails to disappoint with the wierd-ass snack flavors.