Sunday, January 25, 2009

Wall of Shame

There is a long tradition of Western stars sneaking over to Japan to whore out for an ad or two. Since the ads never run overseas, they get a free trip to Japan and a dump-truck full of money all while preserving their credibility back home. Today we look at three Hollywood stars who are making filthy lucre off of Japanese companies.

N-n-n-n-number THREEEEE!!!! Above we see Tommy Lee Jones shilling Suntory's line of BOSS coffees. I really can't begrudge the guy his ad spots because I really don't remember what he was last in. And he just saw his role as Two-Face brilliantly reinterpreted in Dark Knight. That had to sting.

Number TWO!!! George Clooney hawking Honda Odysseys. The tag-line is vaguely sexist, reading: "I like good cars. Because I'm a MAN!"

In at number one for most egregious pimping of a foreign talent to a Japanese advertising agency is Darth Vader. Not satisfied with turning him into a whiny, emo kid, Lucas has licensed Vader for use in a Star Wars themed pachinko game produced by Sankyo. Pachinko is basically a form of legalized gambling, so this is kind of the equivalent to Darth Vader being featured in a slot machine. You can see a promotional video and pictures of the pachinko machine here. Darth's tagline reads "The time to fight is now!" And by "fight" he means "gamble away your hopes and dreams on a form of rigged government-sanctioned gambling."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Japan: land of weird-ass keychain toys


I think over half of Japan's industry is devoted to designing and producing keychain and cell-phone lanyard toys. About a landfill's worth probably ship out every day, often as freebies attached to bottled beverages, but these are some of the odder premium ones I've seen. The three at top in the photo at left are meant to imitate the sound and feel of popping bubble-wrap. At bottom left is a toy that recreates the sensation of squeezing green soybeans (a popular bar snack) out of their pods. The device at bottom right is supposed to simulate the sound and feel of pulling the perforated cardboard tab off a box of sweets (Pocky, for instance).

None of these is as cool as the "Flower Vibe Key Holder" though. I love the retailer's Web site, complete with "how-to" pictures demonstrating proper usage on a fake vagina. Also, the idea that the user could just dangle it from her handbag as a fashion accessory is both hilarious and vaguely empowering. The description says it's for women who "want a vibrator they can take along on unexpected sleep-overs or trips. There is also no need to worry if you get stopped for a spot bag search when boarding an airplane" (no need to worry about embarrassment I assume, since last time I checked carrying sex toys on planes was not an offense).