Today is cell phone memory card cleaning day. Looking over scene after horrifying scene cataloging my mind-numbing, anonymous life recorded for posterity by my phone-camera, I found a couple of images that had a common thread: food marketing catastrophes. The four or so of you who frequent this site already know that horrible Japanese snack food is something of a hobby for me. Those of you new to the site can check out the pineapple lozenges of death, a nice pepper flavored pudd, and this cheerfully racist bread snack to get up to speed.
Specimen A (NesCafe Sparkling Cafe): Sweetened, carbonated coffee is exactly what you'd get when a well-meaning, earnest young marketing guy sits down in Starbucks on a hot summer day and thinks "boy, why hasn't anyone integrated the richness of coffee with the refreshment of a carbonated beverage?" Because it would be a complete fucking catastrophe, that's why.
Specimen B (Macadamia Big Nuts): Would you like to try my Big Salty...oh never mind.
Specimen C (High Cacao chocolate bar): The punchy catchphrase on this chocolate bar reads "There is no accounting for taste, so choose your own. Experiencing deliciousness made me a slave to taste." Experiencing this virtually unsweetened slab of cocoa mass made me a slave to wanting to swill out my mouth with heavy cream and raw sugar. It also made me a slave to wanting my 103 yen back. It reminded me of when I was six and tried to eat a brick of that incredibly bitter baking chocolate that looks deceptively like a candy bar. Come to think of it, I did the same thing again last week.
2 comments:
I know that living in Japan has many benefits (24/7 access to High Cacao) but perhaps these high quality 'American Goods' will tempt you to move back state-side!
Generally the Japanese are more fashion conscious than Americans; all that is about to end!
http://www.directwholesaleproducts.com/beerboxhats.htm
You probably got one of these among your wedding gifts but another is always useful...
http://www.directwholesaleproducts.com/knifelight.htm
Christmas is just around the corner why not surprise a loved-one with this treat?
http://www.directwholesaleproducts.com/geterdoneladylighter.htm
It's like DirectWholesaleProducts.com is inside my head!!! Thanks DPO! I'm gettin' that knife with mounted LED for my 6 y.o. daughter. There is no telling when she will have to stab some drunk pervert to death in a dark alley and burn the evidence with a nekkid woman lighter.
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