News Flash!

In New York? Then head on over to the Galapagos in Williamsburg Brooklyn on Friday (Apr. 27) and check out the musical prowess of my Remarkable Redheaded Friend. He will be appearing in the band Six Demon, in which he serves as general chick magnet/technogod. Says my friend of the event: "The night starts with the super-group Death Wake at 10pm (combining members of Tall Firs, La Lus, Ministry, and Pink Sock) and we get on around 12:30-ish if we’re lucky." If approximately 5,800 nautical miles did not seperate me from the Eastern Seaboard, I would definitely be there throwing up the horns with the rest of the moshers.

What could possibly go wrong?

I found this poster in a subway station. It is advertising a product called "Mamoru," which means "to protect." It is a combination flashlight, pepper spray and siren. Looking at the image on the poster, I am guessing that its main use is for deterring creepy vampire chicks. The caption loosely translates as "when push comes to shove, I'll take care of myself." Oddly, the cartoon on the product's Web site seems to indicate that it dispenses only a comforting, pink glow at assailants.

I dunno...actual guns are illegal here for a reason -the population is chronically sleep-deprived and high-strung. This combined with the notoriously crowded train systems does not bode well. Even if you don't intentionally gas half the passengers in your subway car due to faulty anger management, suppose you're just reaching for your phone or chapstick in your purse and accidentally trip the "anti-crime" siren, causing the three people nestled against your left armpit to pepper spray each other out of confusion over who is the frotteur?

Enjoying That Retirement?

Japan faces a severe senior citizen crisis. In an interview with NPR, Shutting Out the Sun author Michael Zielenziger pointed out that by 2020 one in nine Japanese will be over 80. However, with social services inadequately equipped for the rising tide of retirees, the private sector is stepping in. Their strategy seems to be to make the nation so depressed about retiring, they kill themselves before reaching 65. A case in point comes from this commercial sent in by Mr.K. It is an advertisement, obviously targeted at the elderly, for a drug that treats stiff joints. Before you view it, imagine how an ad for a similar product in your country would play out. I envision a shot of an elderly couple strolling along a beach, holding hands during a beautiful sunset. Then a distinguished grey haired gentleman executes a perfect drive and nonchalantly tosses his club into his bag while his buddy slaps him on the back. In the last shot, a toddler rushes up to his grandmother, who effortlessly lifts him up in the air, to his delight. Then a soothing voiceover would say something like: "Life has so much more to offer. Don't let joint pain stand in your way. Ask your doctor about [Prescription Drug] today."
Now consider some scenes of this Japanese ad:

• Woman kneeling down painfully to scrub her bathtub.
  
• Woman slowly walking up a flight of stone steps with her groceries.
  
• Guy hauling a big, heavy cart in a marketplace (caption reads: "That grunt [you make when cleaning your bathtub etc.] is probably your joints screaming [in pain]").
  

So the main message is, take our drugs so you can spend your retirement doing tedious chores and manual labor. Great. I can hardly wait to be old.