Sunday, February 01, 2009

By the power of JAHEEEEEEEZZUS!!!



I have mentioned strange Japanese health and beauty goods in the past. The most memorable was perhaps a line of placenta-based skin-care products. On purely theological grounds, I think this one is my favorite though. As is often the case, I really can't think of anything to write about this, because nothing I write will be funnier than the product itself. Jesus Body? JESUS BODY??! Do not be alarmed. They are not selling the literal body of Christ. Jesus Body! is some sort of diet pill. The promotional Web-site promises that Jesus Body! will help you burn fat, detoxify your body, and alleviate the constipation associated with hard dieting. Well, I guess those minor feats should all be well within the Son of God's powers. The catch-copy loosely translates as "This divine diet supplement has been handed down from God in heaven."

I Googled and Googled, but could find no explanation of why the product is named "Jesus Body". I can only assumed the marketing team's meeting went something like this:

"We need a name that says "thin". I mean, really really skinny."
"Hmmm. How about 'Instant Anorexia'?"
"Nah. Too technical."
"Auschwitz Survivor?"
"That's the right direction, but too hard for our Japanese consumers to pronounce."
"I got it! How about Jesus Body? I mean, those crosses they put up in the fake wedding chapels usually have that skinny Jesus guy nailed to them, right?"
"Brilliant! Nothing says 'tit-less and unhealthily emaciated' like the wasted, tortured body of Jesus Christ! That is exactly the look that today's women want!"